I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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