Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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