I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize