Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
