I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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