People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize