We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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