Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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