if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
