new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize