About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
