I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
