im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
