I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
