Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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