You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Enjoy the penises
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
