I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
