Don't make out with my wife yet
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
