i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
