my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
