I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
