Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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