Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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