I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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