Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
