Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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