So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize