seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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