I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
