When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
