the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
