Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
