Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
