Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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