She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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