After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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