im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
