yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize