But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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