just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
