his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They are going to name an STD after you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The adults are the big ones right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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