This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
