did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
