He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
