The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
