Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Your dad touched me again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
