Sacagawea was the original milf.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
