Are we in a gay sports bar?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The uberlube is also flammable
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
