the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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