i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
