wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
