do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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