so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
