Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
