I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
