Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
