What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
