i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
