We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
