I look better un-naked...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
