She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
