ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
