Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
