hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
