I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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