What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
