May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
